Labels

We as a society love our labels! coach bags, Guess jeans, Prada shoes, Mercedes, Range Rover, Honda, Corvette, Lincoln, Democrat, Republican, Independent, Christian, Atheist, Progressive, Rich, Poor, Elite, Mainstream media, Tommy Hifilger; all of these are labels that we as Americans are in LOVE with! How many of us allow others to define us by the label they have pinned upon us?
I have had many labels in my life. As a child I was Suzy the busy bee, Mary Sunshine, Polly Anna, Princess, prissy tomboy, and Daddy's girl.  All of these monikers I wore proudly and did my best to emulate what I thought they meant. Soon I found myself programmed to act within the confines of each of these labels at the appropriate time and place. This at the cost of any real identity I may have developed.

I began to realize this at the end of a very tumultuous, painful relationship that took up a big part of my teenaged years. After I turned twenty after five years of trying to morph into what my boyfriend wanted me to be, I learned that I could never be what he wanted/needed and whatever identity I had had been consumed by my and his estimation of what he wanted from me.  I began to notice this a few months before he broke it off. (There I said it, I never before have admitted it was he who broke it off). I was no longer Susan, I was Dick's* girlfriend. I began rebelling against this "control" over me, and eventually as I was not fitting into his compartment, and I was not doing as he expected of me. (Forget about the deceit and the cheating, that's a whole 'nother ballgame).  At one point after the breakup, I was introduced at Dick's "former" girlfriend, and MY name was never mentioned!  that was a cold wake up call. I never wanted to be a Stepford Wife, yet that is exactly what I had become!
Once the breakup occurred, there are many versions of the behavior that I demonstrated. Some say I went a little crazy, some say I had a nervous breakdown, others applauded my strength and composure. I put myself in many positions where by I would encounter him and one of his girlfriends. This was painful for me, and probably very awkward for him. I remember there were a lot of tears, much misery and many very blue days. I was physically ill from the hurt and betrayal I felt. After all I had "grown" up  with this boy and all my dreams had been dashed by the breakup, no explanation, no accusations, just a "we are through".
It took me a very long time to recover from the disappointment and pain of that relationship. Dick went on to marry at least three times, and father at least three children. For the first ten years after the "breakup" I didn't even date; I would not trust anyone. I really could not even guarantee that I wouldn't go running back to him if he even seemed so inclined!
I knew I was finally over Dick when at his sister's wedding he asked me to dance, 6 years I spent with this person and never once had he danced with me! Reluctantly I agreed, and he was holding me very inappropriately. he whispered into my ear that the three most important women in his life were there, me, his ex-wife, and his new wife of only a few months, and none of us were fighting over him! I backed off, slapped him as hard as I could, and said "Don't flatter yourself dick!" here it was his sister's wedding and he was making it about him! I knew then that I was free! The spell had been broken! 30 + years later, I have reconciled in my heart and mind that relationship. It's a good learning experience. I am able to hold onto the fond, tender memories, and have let go of the bitterness, hurt and the label!
Within the past 15 years I have been involved with the criminal "justice" system. I carry the label FELON. Regardless if I committed a crime, I have been measured and weighed and am now a felon.  I am striving to not become that label. Society seems to believe that everyone who carries that label is disposable. Jobs are very difficult to obtain, housing is nearly impossible, and education is a harder path for those who have traveled through the criminal "justice" system.
No matter my behavior, or the crime I have been punished for, I am not that label. The key word in that sentence is that I have been punished I have paid the price; financially, by serving time with the State, and having my family torn apart. I am still me, a loving wife, a good mother, a kind generous person, who constantly thinks of others, and wants only the best for everyone. I refuse to become the label felon. I am a wife mother, caregiver, citizen.
The stigma that is associated with this label is difficult, yet not impossible to overcome. I have found that dealing with employers is the most simple. Approach the situation straightforward and with honesty.  Accentuate the positive, dwell on past accomplishments; show how the "punishment" has enhanced one’s life. If while incarcerated, accomplishments were earned then tout those as well. Address addictions, treatment and reporting needs as soon as possible. Sell the whole package! One benefit of being still supervised is that you do have reporting requirements, therefore the employer needn't be concerned as you are being monitored, thus upping your reliability!  
If change was needed show how the change has come about and the steps you are willing to take to avoid criminal practices. Stick to your word. When that employer gives you a chance show him/her each and every day how they made a great choice! You are not only assisting yourself, and your employer, you are paving the way for others in a similar situation!
The label felon is a hard one to hide, I would say don't. Keep it where all good labels should be, on the inside. The only label I am interested in is the one I portray each day, Susan the good wife, servant to others and a lot of fun!
Bottom line, I am not a handbag, a dress, a car or a political party, I am a beautiful, powerful, passionate woman.